I got a chance to read some of the dirtygirl story in public last night at the inaugural of the new reading series, Sex Worker Literati. It was packed. People were sitting on the floor. A dozen or so had showed up for me personally (I sent out two hundred invitations. I’m going to pretend that that’s a pretty good percentage). Some friends I’d expected didn’t make it. On the other hand, old high school acquaintances who’ve become new friends through the actual “social” part of social networking engines like Facebook, did, with progeny in tow.
It was all a little intimidating.
I can talk in front of strangers about nothing for hours. I can talk in front of a bunch of alcoholics about myself forever. But my writing, I want to say “my art” but that feels so very pretentious, exposing that to strangers or to friends, that’s a horse of a different color entirely. Every time, every single time I let you read my work is like handing over my newborn baby and hoping you don’t decide to put a pillow over her face. Reading my work to you is a little harder than that, more like taking a circular saw to my own chest, wrenching open my rib cage and letting you poke around in my heart for a while. Really poke.
I labor over every single word, each piece of punctuation hopefully creates a rhythm you can dance to. I write about the personal, in ways that take me to the vulnerable. Every time, every single time you read what I write, it means I’ve unlocked my heart just a little, left a door ajar, a trail of breadcrumbs down through the maze of locked doors and secret passageways.
I stood in a crowded bar last night and told you part of my story, a part that doesn’t make me look particuarly good, or sound like a nice person at all. I let you see a piece of my heart from a time it wasn’t safe to have a heart at all.
I never felt more beautiful.
There is something to be said for following your bliss.
WOW!
This post put a tear in my eye and I regret that we could not be there to support you and hear your art……. but we were with you in spirit. I do believe your prose is “art” as it touches one in a way a painting or a sculpture might another person. How many people can take what they feel, what they have experienced and put into words and not just words that are read but words that strike a place in you and makes you experience and know you just a little more to me that is art but more than that it is a gift…………… Thank you Jodi the world is a better place with you in it!
inspiring and gorgeous you are. you give me courage.
Sergio, you’ve been an inspiration, constantly putting yourself out there with your design work, and now the video work. You’re fearless! How do you deal with sitting back and waiting to see if the world will love you back?
Sandy, thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me.
i feel compelled to say:
1. you sent out over 200 invites and I didn’t get one?
2. speaking as someone who sort of tracks things like this, 12 attendees from 200 invites (a hair more than 5%) is a pretty good average–particularly in New York City.
3. you rock.
Dare –
1) I sent 200 direct email invites to people who actually lived in NY. Were you still here, you would’ve been on the top of the list. I didn’t want to be responsible for the laying of any guilt to out of towners.
2) I’m pretty pleased with the percentage and it was nice to have strangers there as well. I feel like I get the most honest reactions from strangers because they have absolutely NOTHING invested in making me feel good.
3) and occasionally, I roll, as well
I love your writing. In answer to your question, it's been a while since I've shared my art with an audience but, after 10 years I'm gearing up for an appearance. It makes me giddy to think about. I love the connection. I love the audience's appreciation and I love being vulnerable. It's a good fit.
Pickle – I can't say I love being vulnerable, but I am at the point where I realize it's the only way I've got to go. I've been wearing my armor for years and years, time to drop the broadsword and take the artistic chances. Physical danger was a lot less scary. Thanks for checking in. If your appearance is in the NY area, lemme know!