only the jodi

A search for simplicity, sobriety, compassion, & the right man. Or at least not another wrong man.
May 27th, 2012

can you hear me now?

I’m getting used to seeing her on the north corner of 84th Street and 37th Avenue, smiling. Or touching her nose.

She has a nice face, youthful, plump, and a little bit pretty.  Her long hair is just starting to streak with grey.  She’s the kind of person that’s easy to pass every day without noticing that she’s there, always wearing the same dark purple jacket, black sweat pants, and heavy black sneakers.  She doesn’t make eye contact, or speak to anyone. She doesn’t have a begging bowl, a hand out, or a cardboard sign asking for money.

She’s Indian (Jackson Heights shorthand for any & all South Asian possibilities: India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Nepal, Bhutan, Maldives and Sri Lanka), with dark skin that glistens, always looking just slightly sweaty. Now and then she smiles, as if someone said something nice, or someone she’d been waiting for finally showed up. She has perfect, spectacularly white teeth.

Today she stands on the south side of the street, and I wonder, as I do every time I pass her, if she is okay. She doesn’t look bewildered, or crazy, or drunk, just a little lost, a bit out of step. She stands, looking around, sometimes tentatively extending one foot, then bringing it back a moment later.

Am I the only one walking by as if she isn’t there? Is it a cultural thing I don’t understand? Do her own people stop and talk?  Do they see her?  I watch from across the street partially hidden by construction scaffolding for five minutes, maybe ten. Dozens of people walk by, the mix of South Asia, South and Central America, old and young, Jewish and Catholic and Hindu that makes up Jackson Heights.  I think if I wait long enough, there will be eye contact, or conversation, or something.

An Asian man stands by the van parked right next to her. I wonder if he is her pimp. Then he opens the back door of the van and the guys from the construction site pile their tools in and drive away.  A middle-aged Latin woman with electric red hair and flashy clothes, just this side of too tight, rifles through her purse on my lost lady’s corner, as if she’s looking for a dollar to offer up. She pulls out a Band-Aid, puts it on her foot, and goes on her way. A gold Cadillac is parked on the street in front of her. An overweight Latin man in the driver’s seat watches me as I stand across the street watching her, and I wonder if maybe he is her pimp, or thinking of doing her harm.  His buddies show up, pile in, and they drive away, too.

My lost lady just stands. She smiles, and touches her nose.

She doesn’t seem underfed, or bruised, or drunk, just somewhat lost, inappropriately dressed for the weather, and oddly still for a city and a neighborhood that can only be described as bustling.

I walk back across the street. “Hello,” I say. “Do you need any help?”

She smiles–brilliant white teeth–and makes eye contact for a moment. “No. I’m waiting for someone.”

I believe her.  I’m just not sure that the person she’s waiting for will ever come. Next time, I’ll tell her my name, and ask her for hers.

October 23rd, 2009

loss & love

Tommy died of old age, and that’s the way it’s supposed to be. We’re supposed to be okay with that.

The problem with old age is that you’ve been around long enough to really affect people when you leave. If one of the newborn bunnies had died, it would be sad, but I had a relationship with Tommy. The bunnies don’t even have names yet.

Tommy was loud, tired, gentle and very attached to Hazel. You remember Hazel? The sheep that the little boy who grew up to be a med student called about? That’s what happens when you stick around. You touch people. You affect them. And they miss you when you leave.

Tommy was my inspiration for volunteering at Green Chimneys’. He was the sheep that sealed the deal. I wanted to be there for the seniors, to make their lives a little easier. It was an honor to be take special care of that old guy.

jodi sh doff : onlythejodi : loss and love : phoebe He left behind a stall full of grieving old lady sheeps. Hazel and Phoebe walk over and placing their heads in my hands for me to do that voodoo that I do so well. Laverne keeps her distance. There’s something about accepting one’s frailties that allows you to open your heart to comfort from others. Laverne is just not there yet. Me neither. We’re both working on that.

A friend, a human friend, was diagnosed with inoperable cancer recently and I’ve been watching myself avoid visiting. My friend is dying of old age, and that’s the way it’s supposed to be, except I want to fix him. If I can’t, I don’t want to be there.  I’m in training to be an end-of-life companion, a doula for the dying.  It’s one thing to think about starting that work with someone I’ve never met. Or working with animals that are passing, but a friend?  A friend is a horse of a different color entirely.

October 20th, 2009

service center

Service will change your life. Maybe not, but it changes mine. Every time. This week part of my volunteer gig was holding baby bunnies. They need to be accustomed to being handled so they’re comfortable around the kids at Green Chimneys‘. They’re gonna be therapy bunnies when they grow up. Good deed, sure, but I got to cuddle baby bunnies. I help the bunnies, the bunnies help the kids, the whole shebang helps me.

If we’ve met, you’ve heard this before. It’s my answer to almost everything. Depression, frustration, fear, loneliness, self doubt, boredom, confusion — my answer is almost always, service.

I need to get out of my own way pretty regularly and think about someone else. The idea isn’t new or complicated and doing it hasn’t made me a perfect person – just a happier person.  It doesn’t matter to me why it works, it just does. I think everyone has something to offer the world and anyone can change the world a little bit.

Elder Wisdom : Elders, age 60+  answer questions about life, love and work, sharing wisdom and know-how via their home computers. No one gets to 60 without learning some shit. Pass it along.

Mentor a student online: 50% of all Black & Hispanic students will drop out of school. Mentors make a differene to the most vulnerable students in our system. Help a kid stay in school.

It’s a cold world!: The volunteers of WarmUpAmerica knit and crotchet handmade afghans, clothing & accessories to offer real warmth & comfort to someone in a hospice, shelter, hospital, or nursing home.

Got Math? – Basic math & free online training are all that’s needed to help low-income families learn about refunds, tax credits, and other opportunities. You’ll pick up a few tips for your own taxes too, and that doesn’t suck.

Free Love: Animal shelters & local rescues organizations are under funded and short staffed. Give the gift of your time to something soft and furry, get something warm and fuzzy back.

Volunteer Zoo Guides are needed at most city zoos. Educating the public helps save the animals we share the planet with.

If you think good deeds aren’t cool, you haven’t seen Rescue Ink. The bottom line? When I do good, I feel good. Check it out, it just might change your world.

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. – Anne Frank