only the jodi

A search for simplicity, sobriety, compassion, & the right man. Or at least not another wrong man.
June 24th, 2009

chance meetings & second chances

When I was a kid I wanted to be a garbage man or a guest on the Tonight Show. I’m an inveterate garbage picker, half my furniture has been “found”, and this, this is my version of the Tonight Show. I get to chatter endlessly.

Lately, I’m discovering things I didn’t know I wanted the first time I came across them. Drunk as a skunk in 1987 (most of the 70s and 80s actually) I picked a guy up in the Lone Star Cafe, a singer in the country band, Atlanta. They were booked at the Dutchess County Fair and the next morning I found myself hungover, hopping pigs and cherry pies.  I’ve been back for 15 of the last 20. I’m hooked on livestock, pie competitions, pitchmen & deep fried everythings.

From 15 to 23 I had the same dream every night. In it I die violently four days after my 23rd birthday. I believe in omens and didn’t make any long term plans outside of staying drunk.  Ten years past my expiration date, I ended my old life and got sober — four days after my 33rd birthday (just because I believe doesn’t mean I can read the bones). When I turned 50 I thought, okay, maybe I need to make some plans. I still wasn’t sure what I wanted, but the Dalai Lama says everyone wants to be happy. For me, happy has fur and four legs.   Read the rest of this entry »

June 1st, 2009

summer in the city

I walked through the new Washington Square Park, expecting to be disappointed, or at least annoyed, but it was lovely. The fountain is working, the landscaping inviting. I spent an hour listening to musicians, watching kids playing in the fountain or with their families, hearing a hundred languages from tourists passing through. The park was packed with white people.

When I say white people, apparently I mean white bread– well dressed, clean, educated and wholesome. So even brown folks are white sometimes. I’m sure I’ve offended someone with that remark, it wasn’t my intention, it’s just the way it looks to me.

I left feeling “estranged”.       Read the rest of this entry »

April 4th, 2009

that was then: 1979

-jshd 09-

I open my eyes to a greasy tin ceiling & the smell of oil and gasoline. I’m on the floor, just a thin bare mattress between me and the cold cement. Cogs & gears & metal greasy things I can’t name litter the floor around me. It’s the itching that wakes me. My arms, my legs, my thighs, my crotch. I scratch till I bleed. I scratch some more.

From where I lay I can just make out the corner of 2nd & Houston through a grimy window. The back end of the motorcycle guards the open front door. That makes this Havasha’s bike shop. My muscles scream as I turn my head to look. He’s here. On a pile of dirty yellow cushions a few feet away, curled into a dark sleeping ball of leather, grease, sweat, and hair. Scratching & twitching in his sleep like a dog.

I pull myself up, every part of my body objecting, loudly. I stand, stretch, and take a step towards the open front door. My muscles scream again as I fall down. Or maybe that scream came out of my mouth this time.   Read the rest of this entry »