only the jodi

A search for simplicity, sobriety, compassion, & the right man. Or at least not another wrong man.
October 10th, 2009

looking for the loophole

jodi sh. doff : onlythejodi : looking for the loophole : loopholeIf I’m calling around to see if what I have in mind is ethical or not, I already know the answer.

When I ask, “Is this ethical?” what I really mean is “Hey, there’s this thing I want to do and we both know I shouldn’t, that it’s unethical or immoral or just plain wrong, but there must be some way around that, isn’t there? Something? Some loophole? Can you give me an easy out on this one? Would you co-sign my bullshit?”

Really. That’s what I’m saying. I know it. And you do too.

A friend told me about a job recently, one she thought she might be interested in, but the universe was just not aligning. Phone calls were missed. Interviews were scheduled on impossible days. And it sounded like exactly what I’d been looking for.  She couldn’t show up for it, but I could. Only she really wanted it and was trying to figure out a way to make it work.

I made the phone calls looking for a co-signer. It took a few before I got someone on the line and as the words were coming out of the mouth I was liking myself less and less. Honestly, I only called people I knew would not give me a walk, because you can always find someone to tell you what you want to hear. These days, what I want to hear is the truth, even when I don’t want to hear the truth.

The truth is there is something out there just right for each of us, the universe is a place of abundance & friendships are harder to come by and keep than jobs, at least for me. Trust matters more than convenience.

I’d forgotten for a brief moment, that I already knew all that. Sometimes I need a little crisis of faith to remind me of my faith. So, it bears repeating.

There is something out there just right for each of us.

September 15th, 2009

relative aging

jodi sh. doff : onlythejodi : relative aging : boy

It is entirely within the realm of possibility that a person would, at 53, have a 3 year old grandchild.

However, it was much funnier when my 3 year old godson referred to my friend Marilyn (five years older than me) as Grandma, than it was when he turned around five minutes later, after I’d stopped laughing and called me Grandma as well.

I spent two days teaching him my name. We practiced. We even practiced M’s name. By the time I left, after spending two full days with him, playing cars, monsters, jumping jacks, going for car rides, to a wedding and a full blown temper tantrum, he got it. I was Joey, she was Maradin and for a brief and shining moment, really, I was ‘enry ‘iggins and he was Eliza Doolittle.

I spoke to his mom briefly today. “He loves his toys,” she said. “He held up the stuffed monster you got him and said ‘Granma gave this to me.’”

Yeah. It’s all good. Humbling. But it’s good. So for today, if only for him, I am OnlytheGranma.

August 17th, 2009

trudging the road…

I started this journey of sudden unemployment induced total life change very gung-ho. I had lots and lots of things on my lists of to-do, to-try and to-pay the rent. Little by slowly those lists have gotten longer, shorter, refined, fine tuned.

In the middle of my white board I wrote: I AM A WRITER.
(please remind me of that at the end of this post)

How that was going to help pay the rent, I had no idea, but it is pretty much how I define myself. I don’t want to go back to nine to five office work. I’ve always said that my dream job, if I had a husband or a second income of any kind (defining the term ‘husband’ as a second income may have some bearing on my prolonged singlehood), Read the rest of this entry »