My dream is to be paid for working on the farm . I’ve been working there for free for months.
We made it official two weeks ago. Well, semi-official. The offer was made and accepted, but there was still the ever elusive paperwork to bag. I worked. I worked again. And then came the great crash of 2010:
“We can only pay you two thirds of what we said we could pay you.”
Well, FYI, all three thirds was already slightly below what I needed to live on, but I thought, I love it here, it’ll all work out. I have faith. I have faith. I have faith.
Driving home, after the second week where the drive up took 90 minutes instead of the hour it’d been when I was volunteering…
How did that happen? I leave at 7:30am to drive 90 minutes to a job that can only pay me less than I make on unemployment and it costs me $20 in gas and tolls every time I go? But I really, really love it on the farm. I believe in everything they do, everything they stand for. The farm is all that is right with the world.
I have faith. I have faith. I have faith.
I checked in silently with god on the drive home – we do a lot of our talking during these long drives. It’s dark and the headlights of oncoming cars blind me over and over and over. I speak first. I usually do.
So, now what? How’s this gonna work?
You have faith?
I do.
Okey doke then, have faith. Trust me.
At once I become aware of the Randy Travis CD that’s playing. He sings “when you see me walk on water…”
Oh, you got jokes now? Now you wanna get funny with me?
I’m a funny guy…
You, you are not actually a guy at all.
Well, you know, whatev….
My god says whatev. I couldn’t have one that said “thou shalt” or “thou shalt not”. Or one that expected any sort of begatting from me.
Our conversations are silent. I can hear them; you can’t. Not even if you’re sitting next to me. Not even just my side of the conversation. This is why:
Outloud, a little later in the drive:
“Okay, god, so? Do I have a move, a plan, something” Silence “Oh, you don’t play that? You gonna act like you don’t hear me when I talk out loud? You don’t answer my out loud questions?”
And I hear, in my head No. And then I swear I hear a little far off giggle.
That’s one funny diety….I have faith. I have faith. I have faith….
