I used to say I was looking for a cowboy who knew when to ride me hard, when to give me some sugar and when to simply dance me. Big Edie always said dancing is all about relaxing into the arms of a good leader and just going along with the music. I’ve been looking for that all my life, that ability to relax and feel safe in someone’s arms.
Lately, I feel like I’m dancing with God.
That doesn’t mean I know where I’m going. I’m not throwing this party, I’m just wearing my party shoes and trying to say yes every time I’m asked to dance.
My white board gets clearer every day. There are fewer things on, less distractions, I still don’t have a job (and honestly, I haven’t been looking very hard) and yet I’m booked day after day after day. My days are filled with the things I put on the board and have yet to erase.
I’m writing. Every day. And reading when asked.
I’m writing with other people and creating new things, new platforms, drawing other people in, allowing myself to be drawn into and learn from other people’s processes.
I’m in graduate school on Tuesdays and that may or may not continue looking the way it does now, but I’m pretty sure I’ll always be a student somewhere.
Wednesday nights I’m training to be an end-of-life companion, which is exactly what it sounds like and I haven’t figured out how to talk about that yet.
I have my Fridays at the Green Chimneys’ farm with my senior sheeps (Phoebe, Hazel, Tommy & Laverne), the baby goats, our cows & emu, the sows & potbellied pigs, the bunnies and their unexpected babies because apparently Walter was not actually fat and probably should have been named something a little frillier, the chickens with the fancy pants and the ones with the church lady hats, the peacocks and never ending broods of peacock babies, the chattering guinea hens and even the vulture after vulture after vulture that line the wooden fences.
I have mounds and pounds of Play-doh in dozens of colors with which to build a life. An embarrasement of riches and while I’m excited to see what it’s going to look like in the end, I know, the joy is in the journey…
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