3 naked ladies talk about their view from the stages and laps of the 70′s, 80′s, 90′s and today.
For as a long as there’s been music, women have danced for the entertainment and titillation of men. Scheherazade. Minsky’s Burlesque. Cage dancing go-go girls in the psychedelic 60′s. Times Square strippers, pole dancers and lap dancers. Women dance….Men watch.
This entry was originally written and posted on December 2, 2009 at 9:00 am on the now defunct dirtygirldiaries.com
ANTONIA CRANE’s memoir, SPENT, explores the sex industry and her mother’s cancer. Adjunct professor, columnist for The Rumpus, contributing editor for The Weeklings, and senior editor and founder of The Citron Review, Antonia talks with us about being a sexual being involved in the business of sex.
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Lauri Shaw: In such a sexually charged environment, I think you’d have to be made of stone to never be turned on…
Antonia Crane: When I first started dancing, I only dated women — men were not invited to the party. Boundaries were much easier for me than for my straight co-workers.
LS: I’d flirt with co-workers (DJ’s, other dancers, even occasionally bouncers or managers) to create my “working mindset.” Sometimes all that flirting turned into more
AC: I was never tempted to date customers, or intrigue with clients for GFE, but I’d fool around with women I worked with sometimes
LS: It was more acceptable to screw around with co-workers than customers —dating customers is stigmatized and discouraged — but some customers came in and I was attracted to them.
Jodi Sh. Doff: The only customers I was attracted to weren’t really customers. They were part of the scene, which leaned heavily towards the criminal element.
AC: For me, men were customers, nothing more. I made lots of money, my clients loved that I was queer. It made me erotic and out of reach for them.
LS: I won’t lie — I went home with a few of the younger guys who didn’t have money. Especially when I first started dancing. I liked that it was my choice, rather than economic necessity, to have sex with someone. It made me feel powerful, like I was the one who called the shots.
AC: The confusing thing was, I’d still get turned on by men sometimes. It surprised and shamed me until I got comfortable with myself. I was attracted to fat men, cripples. I liked men in suits with glasses who looked like they wandered in after a deposition. Or men who smelled like men — the sweat after a day of dry wall or painting.
JshD: And BOOM! Turned on vs. Attracted. The stuff I don’t like to admit. I got turned on by guys I’d never be with in real life. Mama’s boys, Hasidic Jews, middle-class whiny civilians. Guys where I felt I had the upper hand and could hustle if I wanted but always there was the sexual thrill of being a top, pushing them further than they were comfortable, or letting them “get away” with things they couldn’t have paid for…
AC: After I realized the nature of my desire, I had fun with it. Stripping became my playground. Taking money for lap dances turned me on. When I got off on a lap, I never let the client know. It was important I remained in control.
JshD: This guy — middle-aged, dumpy, glasses, ill-fitting suit, came into the club constantly. Busty Babes was a cavernous dump on the West Side Highway. I’d talk about fucking him in his mother’s bed, the disgusting things I’d make him do to me. I’d order him to touch me or himself. The more humiliated he was, the hotter I got. I couldn’t wait to be alone to get myself off. He had no money, this was strictly personal, not professional. Yet, in real life, outside the bar? Never. I couldn’t respect anyone who let me treat them like that. It’s one of the reasons I never went in for pro-domme work. So much of a turn on, I really lose control of myself.
AC: Years later, I fell for a bio dude. Suddenly, the men I performed for became available to me in ways that confused me. I’d fantasize about dating or marrying them! But I never dated clients.
JshD: I never got hot performing for guys I’d want in real life. I was too shy to even dance for them privately. For me to really work it, I have to be, well, kind of disgusted by the guy. It’s that fine line, the razor’s edge of humiliation. Some men appealed to my head and heart and I’d date them, but my perv juices started flowing with the really pathetic men. I’m twisted like that.
LS: Occasionally — especially if I had a buzz on — I went much farther with someone in the club than was officially allowed. I didn’t feel I was turning tricks, because these weren’t planned or negotiated, but just kind of “happened.”
AC: One of many “last nights ever,” a cute skater-looking guy came into the club. It was dead. I figured he had no money. In a private room, he produced a wad of twenties big as a softball and said, “What’s it gonna be?” And we had sex. I enjoyed it, especially the taboo aspect of doing it in the club.
JshD: At the Lollipop I’d work a sister act with another girl. When we got a guy to take us both to VIP, we’d make out and grind on each other — it was part of the “incestuous sisters” hustle, so I had to. But it turned us both on. Even though we considered ourselves straight! We’d forget about the guy. Once I caught the bouncer watching us. Having a “voyeur” made it even hotter.
LS: At the Zebra Club, VIP was only semi-private. There were bouncers. My customer was young but plain at best. I never would’ve noticed him in a different environment. During our couch dance, I’m dancing with my pussy centimeters from his face, and he sticks out his tongue… It took me by surprise and I knew I should pull away, that I could get fired… But I glanced around the room to see if anyone was watching, and no one was. I let him lick me out. I don’t think it took more than 45 seconds for him to make me come. Fear of getting busted heightened the experience big time; so did the fact that he was paying to do what I considered an act of submission.
AC: “Customer cute” is different than pedestrian cute. A client who spends money at clubs is attractive according to different/lower standards. If he’s average and spends a lot of money, he’s “customer cute” but outside the club you’d never look twice at him.
JshD: The industry gave me the opportunities — and excuses — to act on fantasies and desires I was in denial about.
AC: My boundaries have been challenged every night.
