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# only the jodi

sex. truth. and righteous feminist indignation

## Posts

- [Finding Trees](https://onlythejodi.com/2020/10/finding-trees/) - Aimless. With no clear plan of going somewhere, no “there” to get to, there is also no clear plan on how to get home.
- [He Wanted To Beat The Wicked Out Of Me With A Bible](https://onlythejodi.com/2025/07/he-wanted-to-beat-the-wicked-out-of-me-with-a-bible/) - If life was a horror movie, this’d be the scene when the audience starts screaming at the stupid white girl “No! Don’t go in there!” and then laughs when she does, cause they can hear the scary/monster/slasher music that she can’t hear, and they know.
- [Knees (and my vagina)](https://onlythejodi.com/2015/08/mal-knees/) - My vagina can crack the walnuts in my knees.
- [Middle Aged Lazy: Naked](https://onlythejodi.com/2024/12/mal-1-naked/) - There was a time when I looked better naked than I did clothed. I was short-waisted, small breasted, with generous hips and thick thighs. My top and my bottom were different sizes and it was hard to find clothes that fit well and didn't gap at the waist. That is until spandex came along. Spandex
- [Let's Talk About Sex](https://onlythejodi.com/2024/06/lets-talk-about-sex/) - Do you even wonder what if the one that got away, came back? Forty years after my one that got away, got away, he called again.
- [shiny balls](https://onlythejodi.com/2010/01/shiny-balls/) - Little holiday gifts from my city to me. And from me to you.
- [still life at boni-bell](https://onlythejodi.com/2011/04/still-life-at-boni-bell/)
- [hazel, against the red wall](https://onlythejodi.com/2011/04/hazel-against-the-red-wall/)
- [hamlet, smiling](https://onlythejodi.com/2011/04/hamlet-smiling/)
- [the seniors](https://onlythejodi.com/2011/04/the-seniors/)
- [solitude](https://onlythejodi.com/2011/04/solitude/)
- [companionship](https://onlythejodi.com/2011/04/companionship/)
- [waiting](https://onlythejodi.com/2011/04/waiting/)
- [barn door](https://onlythejodi.com/2011/04/barn-door/)
- [jacob on the hill](https://onlythejodi.com/2011/04/jacob-on-the-hill/)
- [black pepper](https://onlythejodi.com/2011/04/black-pepper/)
- [sheeps. in the wind](https://onlythejodi.com/2011/04/sheeps-and-wind/)
- [bowls drying in the sun](https://onlythejodi.com/2011/05/bowls-drying-in-the-sun/)
- [laverne](https://onlythejodi.com/2011/05/laverne/)
- [dog with velvet curtains](https://onlythejodi.com/2011/05/dog-with-velvet-curtains/)
- [christmas past](https://onlythejodi.com/2011/05/christmas-past/)
- [water lilies](https://onlythejodi.com/2011/05/water-lilies/)
- [walk this way](https://onlythejodi.com/2011/05/walk-this-way/)
- [patience](https://onlythejodi.com/2011/05/patience/)
- [the old barn](https://onlythejodi.com/2011/05/the-old-barn/)
- [electric playground](https://onlythejodi.com/2011/05/electric-playground/)
- [the road home](https://onlythejodi.com/2011/07/the-road-home/)
- [field of dreams](https://onlythejodi.com/2011/07/field-of-dreams/)
- [chicken in a box](https://onlythejodi.com/2011/07/chicken-in-a-box/)
- [free range chick](https://onlythejodi.com/2011/07/free-range-chick/)
- [3 ruedas, $2 cerveza, 1 prolongda noche. (jackson heights, queens, ny)](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/04/3-ruedas-2-cerveza-1-prolongda-noche-jackson/) - 3 ruedas, $2 cerveza, 1 prolongda noche. (jackson heights, queens, ny)
- [backroads](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/05/backroads-queenz/) - given a choice, I will almost always choose texture and risk, over smooth and safe. in my men, and in my weather. (lost in the backroads of queens, ny)
- [trinity churchyard](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/05/trinity-churchyard/) - here lays a friend to all pigeons. trinity churchyard cemetery. part of a series: “post mortem” (wall street & broadway, nyc)
- [The Pigeons of 37th Avenue](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/06/pigeon-37th-avenue/) - (jackson heights, queens, ny)
- [my kinda guy](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/05/my-kinda-guy/) - (east village, nyc)
- [sparrow, with pistachios](https://onlythejodi.com/2013/06/sparrow-with-pistachios/) - (father demo square, west village, ny)
- [pray](https://onlythejodi.com/2013/06/pray/) - (roosevelt avenue, queens, ny)
- [From the lips of the Cunning Linguist](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/10/from-the-lips-of-the-cunning-linguist-east/) - (east village, nyc)
- [gas vents](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/09/gas-vents/) - (jackson heights, queens, ny)
- [Open.Up.Your.Heart.](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/09/open-up-your-heart-2/) - (chinatown, ny)
- [Sunday Morning: No News](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/06/sunday-morning-no-news/) - (lower east side, nyc)
- [Sunday morning: stoops](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/06/sunday-morning-stoops-2/) - (east 7th street, lower east side, ny)
- [Sunday morning : Used](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/09/sunday-morning-used-woodside-queens-ny/) - (woodside, queens, ny)
- [Sunday morning: Storm watch](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/10/sunday-morning-storm-watch/) - (st. marks place, east village, nyc)
- [Sunday morning: Lucky 7s](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/11/sunday-morning-lucky-7s/) - (woodside, queens, ny)
- [habitacion](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/05/habitacion/) - (jackson heights, queens, ny)
- [roosevelt avenue](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/05/roosevelt-avenue-for-rent/) - from the series, “For Rent” (jackson heights, queens, ny)
- [Sunday morning: Roosevelt Avenue](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/09/sunday-morning-roosevelt-avenue-2/) - (jackson heights, queens, ny)
- [rita sweeney](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/05/rita-sweeney/) - like Rita Sweeney, this sign is also gone. look before you cross, on foot or in two tons of steel, glass, and rubber. (I admit I do not understand the Bob Fosse-like jazz hands. Suggestions are welcome)
- [solitude : the boardwalk](https://onlythejodi.com/2011/05/solitude-the-boardwalk/)
- [asbury boardwalk](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/05/boardwalk/) - past her prime, she still has lovely bones.I didn’t notice the child on the right until after the shot was taken. I think (s)he’s the reason I like this photograph so much. (asbury park, new jersey)
- [the tunnel & the light](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/05/spanish-harlem-tunnel/) - the tunnel, that light is at the end of. (spanish harlem, nyc)
- [wild things](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/05/wild-things/) - Fencing in the wild things at New York Architectural Terra-Cotta Works
- [Reflections on the Boulevard](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/04/reflections-on-the-boulevard/) - (jackson heights, queens ny)
- [Pas de deux ](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/04/pas-de-deux/) - part of the series, “Bicycles” (jackson heights, queens, ny)
- [](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/04/i-wonder-did-someone-throw-their-childs-photo/) - I wonder, did someone throw their child’s photo away? Or was a wallet stolen, cash & credit kept, and a small boy's smile left on the street. (jackson heights, ny)
- [Portrait of a Bicycle. In White](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/04/portrait-of-a-bicycle-in-white/) - (lower east side, nyc)
- [Rento Apt Grande Y](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/04/rento-apt-grande-y/) - Sometimes I think there is no housing shortage, merely a housing rift. from the series "For Rent" (jackson heights, ny)
- [Call me.  ](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/04/call-me/) - from the series “for rent” (jackson heights, queens, ny)
- [Red Light, Yellow Light](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/04/red-light-yellow-light/) - Somewhere, lost in the back-roads of Queenz. A drawbridge. A stoplight that flashes only red, or yellow, or not at all. (lost in Queenz, ny)
- [local color](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/04/local-color/) - (jackson heights, queens, ny)
- [love in the street](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/04/love-in-the-street/) - love is where I find it discarded in the street walk don’t walk what I see when I look makes me turn away
- [East Coast of Gotham #2](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/04/the-east-coast-of-gotham-2/) - As seen from the west coast of Queenz. From the series, "Waterfront" (long island city, queens, ny)
- [Unwanted. Unloved. Underwater.](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/04/unwanted-unloved-underwater/) - Free, seaweed optional and at no additional charge. from the series "Bicycles" (Long Island City, NY)
- [Cluster-fucked. And hostaged.](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/04/cluster-fucked-and-hostaged/) - Stolen bicycle wheels held against their will. part of the series, “bicycles" (east village, nyc)
- [broken dreams](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/04/broken-dreams-shattered-visions-sharp-edges/) - shattered visions sharp edges bloody endings, all (jackson heights, ny)
- [The bridge formerly known as Queensboro](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/05/queensboro-bridge/) - (vernon blvd, queens, ny)
- [for rent: corona](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/05/for-rent-corona-2/) - Two bedroom apartment for rent in Corona, $1500. I cannot actually speak Spanish, but I know a luxury apartment when I see one, and $1500 in Corona would get you a palace. If there were palaces in Corona, Queens. part of the series, “for rent” (jackson heights, queens, ny)
- [talk to me.](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/05/talk-to-me-2/) - talk to me, cuz I’m lonely. (east village, nyc)
- [Suburban Dreams](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/05/suburban-dreams/) - the/my suburban dream countless cans of beer went in one end & out th’other, Our way, littered with crushed cans & used condoms & crumpled hard packs of Marlboro red. from here t’there, fueled by testosterone, no-doz, white crosses & beer; from there & back, stinking of sex, sangria, love’s baby soft & dippity do.
- [East Coast of Gotham #3](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/05/east-coast-of-gotham-3/) - Seen from the west coast of Queenz, both the cement, and the wooden piers were equally crumbly and enticing. From the series, “Waterfront” (long island city, new york)
- [Beach](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/05/beach/) - The beach. As interpreted by the borough of Queenz. Just because Walker Evans said I shouldn’t. from the series, “Waterfront” (long island city, queens, ny)
- [where the dead things are](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/05/where-the-dead-things-are/) - (gates of heaven, hawthorne, ny)
- [big edie & the camera](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/05/twm-big-edie-and-the-camera/) - To this day, you point a camera in her direction and my mother’s shoulders go back, a leg is extended, and the face is angled to its best advantage. When we Skype, she worries about, and adjusts, the lighting in the room to her advantage. She can’t help herself, it’s the way she was raised.
- [heaven on earth](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/05/heaven-on-earth/) - (east village, nyc)
- [pretty and pink](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/06/pretty-and-pink/) - (jackson heights, queens, ny)
- [car wash / rainy day](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/06/car-wash-rainy-day/) - (jackson heights, queens, ny)
- [Sunday Morning: Wildflower](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/06/sunday-morning-wildflower/) - (east 7th street, lower east side, nyc)
- [Sunday Morning: red door](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/08/sunday-morning-red-door/) - (east 6th street, lower east side, ny)
- [Cityscape: Alternate Side Stormclouds](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/08/cityscape-alternate-stormclouds/) - (jackson heights, queens, ny)
- [Union Square: Winter](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/08/union-square-winter/) - (union square park, nyc)
- [Eware of Do](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/09/eware-of-do/) - (83rd St/37th ave., jackson heights, queens, ny)
- [rebecca, tied to a wrought iron fence](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/11/rebecca/) - (east village, nyc)
- [Sunday morning: Bridal Veil](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/11/sunday-morning-bridal-veil/) - Barbie's wedding dress, from the window of Bridal Veil Falls, closing at the end of April 2014, after 10 years.
- [the road not taken](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/11/the-road-not-taken/) - (spanish harlem, nyc)
- [hope is a thing with wings](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/11/hope-is-a-thing-with-wings/)
- [colorforms](https://onlythejodi.com/2013/03/colorforms/) - (garment district, nyc)
- [peligroso, she shouted](https://onlythejodi.com/2013/03/peligroso/) - (Morgan’s Island Water Park, Eagle Beach, Aruba, 2012)
- [Sunday morning : Urban Cabbage](https://onlythejodi.com/2013/04/sunday-morning-urban-cabbage/) - (tompkins square park, east village, ny)
- [Numbers](https://onlythejodi.com/2015/07/mal-numbers/) - I'm oddly superstitious, by which I mean I'm superstitious about odd things, like red cars, green motorcycles, & numbers, like eight. I hate eights. This week, I turned 58.
- [New Fat / Old Age](https://onlythejodi.com/2015/07/mal-new-fat/) - Back fat? If i was a domestic pig, we'd call it fat back and you'd fry me up with some collard greens.
- [Crossing Lines](https://onlythejodi.com/2015/07/mal-crossing-lines/) - Sometimes I think I'm not enough. Lately, I think there's more than enough of me to go around. And around. And around.
- [I Am Bread](https://onlythejodi.com/2015/07/mal-i-am-bread/) - Because you are 96% water, while I am 96% bread.
- [When I'm 64](https://onlythejodi.com/2020/02/when-im-64/) - After Big Edie dies, there's nothing to stop me from running away. I use "running" rather loosely.
- [Cohabitating: Love in the Time of Corona(virus)](https://onlythejodi.com/2020/07/cohabitating-love-in-the-time-of-coronavirus/) - Today is Day 7 of working from home (WFH), of online meetings, of no one else to be there for her other than me. Social distancing is the new normal. I'd always considered myself her sole caregiver, but it's become very apparent that that was not exactly accurate. There were aides, therapists, social workers, random alter kakers. Now, it's all me. And the occasional phone call from someone she loves but cannot remember.
- [Mornings, We Talk About Dying](https://onlythejodi.com/2020/02/mornings-we-talk-about-dying/) - Everyone needs something to live for. My mother lives for the day she will die.
- [What we don't talk about](https://onlythejodi.com/2020/03/what-we-dont-talk-about/) - There is a very short list of things I avoid with Big Edie– they just lead to pointless, never-ending, no-one-is-happy circles. God. and Fred. Everything else is fair game.
- [Cohabitating: Me & My Shadow](https://onlythejodi.com/2020/06/cohabitating-me-my-shadow/) - In a life where nothing is certain, I am an anchor. I'd envisioned lots problems, becoming one half of conjoined twins–attached at the heart–wasn't one of them. She's losing/has lost the ability to think of things she'd like to do without prompting. Everything you thinks of as your life up to this moment? Imagine that, but gone.
- [Dementia, the MMSE & Ma, or Ask Me What I Know](https://onlythejodi.com/2020/06/the-mmse-ma-or-ask-me-what-i-know/) - Think you'll know the date when decades have passed since you've paid bills or rent or anything that requires knowing what day of the month it is?
- [Parched & Faded: Lipstick Memories](https://onlythejodi.com/2020/07/parched-faded-lipstick-memories/) - Little by little things fade. Forgetting the every-day things I'd once learned from her, things that make up a life, Ma tries to re-learn living from me.
- [Quarantine Sunday #20](https://onlythejodi.com/2020/08/quarantine-sunday-20/) - Outside, a raging pandemic & it's 90-hell-degrees. Inside, we have each other.
- [Object Impermanence](https://onlythejodi.com/2020/08/object-impermanence/) - Object Permanence is why babies love Peek-A-Boo. Dementia's Object Impermanence is the belief that out of sight actually is gone for good and for ever.
- [Making God Laugh](https://onlythejodi.com/2020/08/making-god-laugh/) - They say if you want to make God laugh, tell him/her your plans. Her doctor said, "Starting thinking about plans for palliative care." That's not funny, God.
- [What Sticks to the Wall](https://onlythejodi.com/2020/11/what-sticks-to-the-wall/) - I didn't understand the impact I had on her until our lives were thrown against the wall of dementia like a handful of spaghetti, and I looked at what stuck.
- [Make the Hard Calls](https://onlythejodi.com/2020/11/make-the-hard-calls/) - Dementia steals your memory and your life, the progression slowly peeling away who you were. It is not, however, contagious. Nothing is contagious via the telephone. Uncomfortable making that phone call? Try shuffling through life in her slippers for a while.
- [That Makes Me Sad](https://onlythejodi.com/2020/10/that-makes-me-sad/) - There are words that make me sad: Ma looks me in the eye, "You're really so good to me." Sometimes followed by an "I love you." Does she, or are those words part of her survival plan?
- [Caregiving Dementia: A Moving Target](https://onlythejodi.com/2021/06/caregiving-dementia-a-moving-target/) - For someone with dementia or caregiving for a loved one with dementia, where you are is a moving target.
- [Big Protects Little](https://onlythejodi.com/2021/11/big-protects-little/) - Ma has an active social life, in her sleep. The line between sleep and waking is porous; she can spend a day waiting on someone that can never show up, like an eight-year-old waiting up for Santa.Ma has an active social life, in her sleep. The line between sleep and waking is porous; she can spend a day waiting on someone that can never show up, like an eight-year-old waiting up for Santa.
- [Growing Up Under Roe v Wade](https://onlythejodi.com/2022/06/growing-up-under-roe-v-wade/) - When Roe v. Wade passed in 1973, my life was a mess. An alcoholic and addict in the embryonic stages, my virtue had already been compromised despite growing up in a “good” suburban home. Life without birth control would have made me a teenaged mother. Life without abortion would left me a drug-addicted mother with an infant that needed to detox in the NICU, whose survival was threatened just by living with me. I’d lost my virginity at 14, 1971. Birth control and abortion didn’t encourage my wildness. Instead, Roe v Wade saved, at the very least, two lives.
- [Whorephobia: Strippers on Art, Work and Life](https://onlythejodi.com/2022/08/whorephobia-strippers-on-art-work-and-life/) - Whorephobia: Strippers on Art, Work and Life
- [Do strippers ever get over being strippers?](https://onlythejodi.com/2023/02/do-strippers-ever-get-over-being-strippers/) - Some jobs are so distinct from the rest of the world, that the rules of conduct and survival are different. We were a closed community, we had to be.
- [that was then: 1979](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/04/that-was-then-1979/) - I open my eyes to a greasy tin ceiling & the smell of oil and gasoline.I'm on the floor, just a thin bare mattress between me and the cold cement. Cogs & gears & metal greasy things I can't name litter the floor around me. It's the itching that wakes me. My arms, my legs, my
- [happily never after](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/04/happily-never-after/) - I don't know about little boys, hell, it becomes more and more apparent each day that I don't know much about grown mens either, but I do know about little girls and how we're raised. No matter what kind of home you came from you were served fairytales. There've been a million essays, books &
- [if it's not one thing, it's your mother](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/05/if-its-not-one-thing-its-your-mother/) - Mother's Day. Growing up we never made a big deal about those made-up Hallmark holidays. But, I'm at an age where I don't take having my mom around for granted, so I pointed the car towards home. Not in the literal sense because Big Edie sold Home with a capital H right after Fred died,
- [in the name of the father...](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/05/in_the_name_of_the_father/) - How is it so easy to write about my mother, and so hard to write about my dad? The fact that I shrink from writing about him tells me I'm not quite ready to sleep in Thursday mornings and drop Therapy Guy just yet. With Big Edie, it's all very clear. She's my crazymaker. That'll
- [daddy was a con man](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/05/daddy-was-a-con-man/) - Daddy was a con man. Not a thief, not a Catch Me if You Can con man, but a con none the less. Of course, this was before he married my moms. Before he married Big Edie he was a lot of things. I was raised on the stories of a Fred before my moms,
- [summer in the city](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/06/summer-in-the-city/) - I walked through the new Washington Square Park, expecting to be disappointed, or at least annoyed, but it was lovely. The fountain is working, the landscaping inviting. I spent an hour listening to musicians, watching kids playing in the fountain or with their families, hearing a hundred languages from tourists passing through. The park was packed
- [my little mommy](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/06/my-little-mommy/) - I'm tired, so this will be short. Big Edie called Thursday complaining of fevers, congestion, aches & what sounded generally like the flu. I convinced her to call her doctor. He agreed to see her the next morning because, at 79, the flu is nothing to sneeze at. She sent the Italian out for some Over The Counter
- [moods](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/06/moods/) - The thing about moods is they're so mercurial, at least mine are. The other day I was moved to tears of happiness talking about the farm. By the end of that day I was storming around the office looking for someone to push into oncoming traffic. Okay, granted, I'm no longer on any mood stablizing medications and
- [Cohabitating: Innie v Outie](https://onlythejodi.com/2020/01/cohabitating-innie-v-outie/) - I'd lived alone—and happy—for forty years. Then,in July 2018, my mother moved in. We knew there'd be an adjustment period, but figured any friction would come from 60 years of mother/daughter emotional baggage having to share a single bathroom. That was the easy stuff.
- [All the Single Mommies](https://onlythejodi.com/2020/01/all-the-single-mommies/) - This is about being a caregiver when you never even planned on children. Or on said child being your 89-year-old mother. This is some caregiver shit.
- [Not crazy, but like crazy](https://onlythejodi.com/2019/03/not-crazy-but-like-crazy/) - On caring for my Ma, as she ages. Sometimes intimacy doesn't look like what you'd expected it to look like.
- [#911Memory](https://onlythejodi.com/2016/09/911memory/) - Fifteen years ago we were on the phone when he said, "Hold on, I think the boiler just exploded." He worked opposite the World Trade Center; it was early and the story hadn't hit the news yet.
- [Lesson Number One](https://onlythejodi.com/2016/06/lesson-number-one/) - Previously published: BUST, Summer 1996. He pushes me inside a yellow cab & stuffs himself beside me. I hear the first gunshots like Chinese firecrackers. He dropped a bloated pink hairless hand onto my thigh. I don't say anything. How bad can it be? Lesson Number One - get the money up front.
- [Dating for Dollars](https://onlythejodi.com/2016/06/dating-for-dollars/) - Spandex and easy money. Originally published: Bust Magazine, 1994. Then Best American Erotica, 1995 and Johns, Tricks, Marks & Chickenhawks (Soft Skull, 2013).
- [Killing Time](https://onlythejodi.com/2016/06/killing-time/) - Originally published as "Lele" in Hos, Hookers, Callgirls and Rentboys: Professionals Writing on Life, Love, Money, and Sex (SoftSkull, July 2009) I got time to kill. I’m not scheduled to work anywhere tonight and I don’t know what to do with myself. There’s no reason to be home—it’s filthy and me being here
- [Shoot Me](https://onlythejodi.com/2016/04/shoot-me/) - what's the sound of two edies talking? Big Edie: It wasn't such a good day. Me: What can I do to make it a better day for you, Ma? Big Edie: Shoot me? (Big Edie's standard answer.) Me: I don't have a gun anymore. Big Edie: You had a gun? What did you do with
- [Leave a Message at the Beep](https://onlythejodi.com/2016/02/leavemessage/) - Ma, just find me and leave me a f&cking message.
- [Hey, Chubby](https://onlythejodi.com/2015/07/twm-hey-chubby/) - My mother is at an age where she feels that anything can be said as long as it’s true. More accurately, she feels that she can say anything as long as it’s true. I’m not sure how she feels about what other people say.
- [Big Edie shakes her moneymaker](https://onlythejodi.com/2014/08/killerjoe/) - Who is the singer I like so much that sounds like the other ones?
- [Chocolate happens](https://onlythejodi.com/2014/07/chocolate-happens/) - Big Edie, milk chocolate, and white lies
- [What day is it?](https://onlythejodi.com/2014/04/what-day/) - What is the sound of two Edies talking? Each channeling one of the Edies of Grey Gardens, this is a daughter's running dialogue with, and commentary on, her aging mother.
- [Big Edie: Husband #1](https://onlythejodi.com/2014/02/big-edie-husband-1/) - Back when Big Edie was still Lainie from the Bronx.
- [Can I be honest?](https://onlythejodi.com/2013/11/behonest/) - Big Edie: Can I tell you something? Me: Can I stop you? Seriously, is there anyway to stop you?
- [1957 Rambler Rebel](https://onlythejodi.com/2013/09/1957rambler/) - What is the sound of two Edies talking? Each channeling one of the Edies of Grey Gardens, this is a daughter's running dialogue with, and commentary on, her aging mother.
- [it's only folk music, but we like it](https://onlythejodi.com/2013/07/its-only-folk-music-but-we-like-it/) - Big Edie, Lyle Lovett, Bruce Springsteen and the battle between Valium and Ativan
- [a hand full of oregano](https://onlythejodi.com/2013/01/a-hand-full-of-oregano/) - what's the sound of two edies talking? Scene: Big Edie's 91-year-old beau's birthday dinner. With his family. Big Edie: You were a handful. You sold that thing. In a bag. But it wasn't, it was something else. Me: When I sold vitamins in junior high, to kids who thought they were Seconals and Nembutals? Big Edie: No. In
- [Walking with Big Edie](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/09/walking-with-big-edie/) - what's the sound of two edies talking? Scene: The park near her house, getting some fresh air Me: I spent so much time in this park. Remember how we came here every year for the fireworks when I was little? Big Edie: That was fun. Me: This is such a good park. I had sex
- [on suggesting a gerontologist](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/09/twm-gerontologist/) - what's the sound of two edies talking? Me: Ma, I just think it's time to see a geriatric specialist. I mean, if you had a baby, where would you take it? Big Edie: I'd drown it, in the river. I have two cats, I don't have time for a baby. Me: Okay...if you knew someone who had a baby,
- [the edies](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/06/the-edies/) - I don’t want to think it is, but it is. it’s us. on the inside, it’s us. me and my little mommy. me. big edie. and our cats. codependent insanity courtesy of the Beales of Grey Gardens
- [hair today](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/06/hair-today-2/) - Ma: You're hair looks good, did you do something?
- [because I don't want to](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/05/twm-dont-want-to/) - what's the sound of two edies talking? If a boy wants you to do something, and you don’t want to—you know what I mean—just say ‘I don’t want to.’ When he says why not, you say, ‘Because I don’t want to.’ You keep answering ‘Because I don’t want to,’ and he can’t argue with that.
- ["My mother taught me to fight"](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/05/my-mother-taught-me-to-fight/) - Source: Uploaded by user via Daphne on Pinterest
- [in the beginning, there was my little mommy](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/05/in-the-beginning-there-was-my-little-mommy/) - My mother was born on Friday the 13th, except it was a Thursday. Don’t bother to look it up - she’ll tell you the truth in the same breath she tells you the lie. She’ll also tell you exactly how much she paid for the blouse she’s wearing ($7.00), how much it cost originally ($63.00), how
- [Early](https://onlythejodi.com/2015/06/early/) - Early. It can be later than you think.
- [Doubleplusungood](https://onlythejodi.com/2017/06/doubleplusungood/) - Kicked out of a secret Fbook group for questioning its policies.
- [Fear Response(s)](https://onlythejodi.com/2017/06/fear-responses/) - A good morning is one where I get a seat on the subway, so I can read comfortably, as Jesus intended. Yesterday was a good morning. Then crazy got on the train.
- [Scribbling all Summer](https://onlythejodi.com/2016/06/scribbling-all-summer/) - Thirty-four days of soaking it all in: Words, Workshops, Wisdom, Wit, and a little bit of Wilderness. Literary leaps of faith across this country, the Hudson River, and the international dateline. Me and my words, showing up everywhere this summer.
- [Drive, she said.](https://onlythejodi.com/2017/02/drive-she-said/) - On straddling the rip in the time/space continuum. Drinking, driving, smoking, and speeding. Some nights are just made for that, no matter how fast you've driven, how long, or how far you've come.
- [Makin' Food My Bitch](https://onlythejodi.com/2017/01/makin-food-my-bitch/) - 2017: Week One: Cut out dairy. I’m giving myself a year to get things right. I have more than a sneaking suspicion this coming year I’m going to want to be in fighting shape.
- [Praying for the Enemy](https://onlythejodi.com/2016/10/praying-for-the-enemy/) - I was talking about a person whose head I wanted to smack until it bounced like a bobble. Someone said, "Have you tried praying for them?"
- [No, he says, you don't.](https://onlythejodi.com/2016/10/no-he-says-you-dont/) - The problem with he said/she said is when he stops listening to she.
- [Stand Up.](https://onlythejodi.com/2016/09/stand-up/) - Every day I see the rights and lives and safety of women and people of color disregarded and crushed by white men in uniforms and white men of influence and white men with academic *futures*
- [In Praise of Literary Conferences](https://onlythejodi.com/2016/06/in-praise-of-literary-conferences/) - Ever wondered "What's the deal with lit conferences & book festivals? Why should I bother when I can read and drink from the comfort of my own home?" Here's why.
- [Going Solo](https://onlythejodi.com/2016/05/going-solo/) - Menopause was the best thing that could have happened to me. The vodka haze & hormone fog lifted, and if I wasn't that hyper-sexual being, I'd have to redefine myself. (Previously published, October 2015, O, The Oprah Magazine)
- [Verbatim & Translation](https://onlythejodi.com/2016/04/verbatim-translation/) - Verbatim & Translation: One word. Sugar. Conveys a thousand things when two elderly women playing scratch-offs & schmoozing try to order tea.
- [A Lesson in Loss: On the Death of a Friend](https://onlythejodi.com/2015/12/adamroth/) - Broken hearts. Lost job. Death of a friend. There are lessons in there, and we each have to figure it out for ourselves.
- [Thinking About the Brownsville Rape](https://onlythejodi.com/2016/01/brownsville-rape/) - I'm struggling with how to make sense of it. I'm childless, but I still wonder what I would do if it were me and my child. Or me and my father.
- [Trigger Warning](https://onlythejodi.com/2015/10/trigger-warning/) - It's the stuff you don't see coming you gotta look out for. Or how my day was derailed by a part of rust-colored corduroy jeans.
- [jukebox brains](https://onlythejodi.com/2013/09/jukebox-brains/) - There's a crappy, outdated jukebox in my head, and someone is sneaking quarters into my mouth while I sleep.
- [I believe](https://onlythejodi.com/2013/07/i-believe/) - My father didn’t believe in God. He believed in Edgar Cayce and Harry Houdini. My mother isn’t sure about God. She is sure that she’s prettier in pictures than she is in real life. I believed I would be dead before I was 24.
- [Why Avonte?](https://onlythejodi.com/2013/10/whyavonte/) - 800,000 children disappear each year; one every 40 seconds. Every kid deserves this kind of effort. But, they don’t get it, there aren't enough resources. So, why is Avonte Oquendo any more deserving than 799,999 other missing kids?
- [Night Moves](https://onlythejodi.com/2013/11/night-moves/) - I lay in bed from Late Night O'Clock until Time for Work O'Thirty. The list of the things I got done included vomit and sex, but not, you know, in the fun way.
- [Maid in 2012](https://onlythejodi.com/2014/01/maid/) - Note to self, dated May 2012. During the two years of "under-employment." A year ago I considered getting a cleaning lady. Today, while on my knees Windexing the water spots on someone else's marble bathroom floor, I thought to myself, "Who the fuck do they think I am? The cleaning lady?" Exactly. That's exactly who
- [Me, Nick Flynn, and Vicodin.](https://onlythejodi.com/2014/02/me-nick-flynn-and-vicodin/) - Me, on Vicodin (inspired by Nick Flynn) I hate Vicodin. Ten years ago, at ten years sober and a day or two after some major dental work, I found myself with not one, but two full vials of Vicodin, and no memory of getting the second, of convincing a pharmacist that I'd already gone
- [Ode to Mother's Day: When Good Baby (Dolls) Go Bad](https://onlythejodi.com/2014/05/bad_babies/) - I’d never planned on having kids, but I've been wondering. I had a Barbie once; I used her as a hammer on whatever I could find until her head imploded.
- [On editing porn](https://onlythejodi.com/2014/12/editing_porn/) - I love editing and proofreading other people's work for many reasons. I love finding mistakes—correction: other people's mistakes. I love being right, and having someone acknowledge that fact. I love putting things "in order." And I love answering questions like: Q: When does a gang bang start? Two is regular, three is airtight, and four
- [That Girl](https://onlythejodi.com/2015/08/that-girl/) - Sometimes I don't recognize myself. I know it's me in the mirror but like some kind of Freaky Friday body swap, I have a face that's not mine.
- [after the rain](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/05/after-the-rain/) - two weeks. two thursdays. no tears.
- [roast chicken](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/03/roast-chicken/) - I am roasting a chicken. I’m not hungry – and I don’t plan on having dinner at home for a few days, but I am roasting this chicken none the less. I cried all morning. Not big heaving, hysterical sobs, but that eye leaking thing I can’t seem to avoid lately, and today was particularly
- [incremental silence](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/03/incrementally-quiet/) - The voices in my head are chitter chatter chitter chatter never ending -- some days it's much too much and only the subway will lull the 17 little squirrels in my head to sleep. When you live in a city long enough, you appreciate the quiet of the subway. The screeching cry of metal wheels,
- [in other words](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/03/in-other-words/) - It takes me time to figure out how I feel. Most people can name that tune in three notes, however even with full Nelson Riddle orchestration and three part harmonies, I have no idea how I feel about most things. I need to let things sift, to swirl a thing around my gelatinous brain and
- [redlight greenlight](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/03/redlight-greenlight/) - Life lessons learned courtesy of the NYC DMV. Expensive, but think of it as tuition if you're going to live and drive in the N-Y-C
- [sense memory](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/03/sense-memory/) - I can smell a sharkskin suit and a pair of gators from a block away. Your outsides, your exoskeleton, a laid-back stingy brim porkpie, loose linen guayabera & pleated linen pants, but I know you. You look in the mirror, checking your style before you leave the house, before you hit the streets for the day, you
- [elevens](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/03/elevens/) - "The elevens are up" - a reference to the two cords on the back of a your neck that stand out prominently after a lifetime of heavy drinking, a sign that your end is near. "You're on ten here, all the way up, all the way up, all the way up, you're on ten on your
- [crackbaby & tender hearts](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/03/crackbaby-the-tender-heart/) - I can see my cat's teeny pink boy nipples. I have the most annoying cat in the world. He drags broccoli from the garbage to gnaw on in the living room, like a dog with a bone. He follows me from room to room to room, like a dog with an anxiety disorder. He buries my
- [time & money](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/03/time-money/) - As in, given a choice, which would you choose? Thanks to the "economic downturn" I now only work 4 days a week, and consequently, I make less money. Even before the New Job Math, a few people had left, a few had been let go and like everywhere else, job duties are being absorbed willy-nilly and everyone
- [tag, you're it](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/04/critter-chick-says-tag-youre-it/) - I'm a total critter chick. Given the choice, I'll almost always choose four legs over two. It could be my superhero name. Critter chick. Louder than a yapping puppy. More powerful than cat dander. Able to pet four dogs with a single hand. Look! There on the curb! It's a dog. It's a cat. It's
- [be happy you're neurotic](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/04/be-happy-youre-neurotic/) - there are really only two choices, neurotic or psychotic, so you may as well be happy with the lesser of two weevils.
- [sometimes, you just listen](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/04/sometimes-you-just-listen/) - I’ve been seriously ill and hospitalized twice with colitis. Colitis is all about blood and shit, in case you didn’t know. We’re taught shame about shit.
- [can you hear me now?](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/04/can-you-hear-me-now/) - Sometimes when I go to a meeting or a presentation, or unfortunately even when I'm hanging out chatting with friends, I already have in mind what I want to say or ask when the speaker stops talking & it's finally my turn. I listen to what you're saying, but really, all that's on my mind
- [the facebook friend & flirt](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/04/the-facebook-friend-flirt/) - Okay, I've already admitted to & been sanctified as, having more than a wee touch of paranoia. In other words, I see Creepy People. I do. I see Creepy People all over, and Facebook seems to be, if not a breeding ground, certainly a conduit. I don't understand the Facebook friend collecting syndrome, this obsessive compulsive
- [pretty girls](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/04/pretty-girls/) - I see them on the streets & the subways. The pretty girls. The really pretty ones. I don't know where they come from or what they're made of. Sometimes, I think they're another species. Other times, I think I am. Either way, I know one thing for sure -- we are not the same species
- [I need a new drug](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/04/i-need-a-new-drug/) - I'm looking for houses again. I have no money and I'm so Grey Gardens tied to my own Big Edie that really, I'm not going anywhere, but I'm looking. The URLs of the good realtor sites for Duchess County, Hudson Valley, Sullivan County and Ulster are imprinted in my brainpan. House hunting is my last
- [I'm not dead yet](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/04/im-not-dead-yet/) - She was only 42 when she started missing her period and at first we thought she was pregnant. It turned out to be an end to possibilities rather than a beginning. In the middle of dinner, Mom tore her clothes off and sat there, in just a bra and panties, glistening with sweat. Then the clothes
- [screaming into the void](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/05/screaming-into-the-void/) - Most of the time I think my writing is self-indulgent, that I'm writing into a void, just to hear the sound of my own voice as it were. Sometimes I'm sure that's true. Last week I got a call from a vendor at work, he'd read something I'd written a long time ago. I'm not
- [up the country](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/05/up-the-country/) - I'm an hour outside the city and light years away from my world. I'm getting to touch my bliss, just a pinky finger touch, but it sends shivers down to the core of my jodi. Driving up route 684, the Hutchison River Parkway, although I see no river at all, I see bushes, flowers, trees.
- [waiting to exhale](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/05/waiting-to-exhale/) - I'm on sensory overload. I spent a week out in the country, up to my elbows in dogs, cats & their people--a Great Dane who felt Chihuahua-sized, a mutt who felt responsible for the world, a Shepherd who loves dogs but hates people, another who can't bear to be even a few feet from his
- [goat mind](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/05/goat-mind/) - Something has changed. I've caged the squirrels, quieted my monkey mind and let disorder take over. My life has become rumple, untidy, messy. I have become, a Goat. I was a hyper organized person. I was the person you called to create a schedule for your move, or coordinate a big event, the person you
- [ready, set…goat!](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/05/ready-setgoat/) - There's a scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, you know the one, he's standing in front of a bottomless cavern. He scatters some sand into the abyss and from the darkness a bit of a bridge appears. He steps out and....trusts. It's an powerful metaphor for that leap of faith that we sometimes
- [wake me up before you goat, girl](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/05/wake-me-up-before-you-goat-girl/) - My first day working in the barn at Green Chimney's. You know how excited I was, I could barely sleep. I arrived eager, ready to work, ready to help, ready to nuzzle sheeps and goats. Apparently I will nuzzle anything with fur, wool or hair and cannot tell one critter from another. What kind of
- [be kind to each other](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/06/be-kind-to-each-other/) - My friend Brian died Monday. I met Brian though my friend Lyle. Lyle died 6 years ago this summer. They had a lot in common. They were cranky, curmudgeonly, loving men, 8-year-old boys at heart, who poke you and pull your hair when they like you. Men who came from hard places and had big
- [old goats & open hearts](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/06/old-goats-open-hearts/) - Green Chimney's is a place for learning & healing for kids and animals. That's why I'm here. Because I need the healing too - my inner kid and my inner wounded animal. It's raining again this week. I clean the pens, taking wheelbarrows full of goat poo and wet straw to the dumpster. Returning with
- [thin skins & tender hearts](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/06/thin-skins-tender-hearts/) - Therapy Guy is back from vacation. Now I have a safe place to cry instead of leaking all over town. He thinks I need to cry more, I think he needs to shut up. 'Did you miss me' he says? I admit I did. 'That's progress', he says, 'you'd never have admitted that a year
- [everything i know about the beach house](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/06/everything-i-know-about-the-beach-house/) - I started coming down here 15 years ago to be with my bff. It's a lovely town where nothing happens, Mayberry RFD. With sand. (Location to remain semi-secret because it's already way too popular. When we first started coming it was the anti-thesis of hip. Sometimes you'd find that you'd rented next to a house
- [chance meetings & second chances](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/06/chance-meetings-second-chances/) - When I was a kid I wanted to be a garbage man or a guest on the Tonight Show. I'm an inveterate garbage picker, half my furniture has been "found", and this, this is my version of the Tonight Show. I get to chatter endlessly. Lately, I'm discovering things I didn't know I wanted the
- [just a little lovin’ early in the morning…](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/06/just-a-little-lovin-early-in-the-morning/) - I have a beau and her name is Sparkles. Sparkles is a golden blonde, her hair glitters in the sunlight and I think she loves me. That is Phoebe she is leaving, to be with me. Me, do you hear that Phoebe? Me. It was overcast and everyone was busy chewing cud inside. The pen was
- [all the glitters is sometimes sheeps….](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/06/all-the-glitters-is-sometimes-sheeps/) - Bought this today, on canvas, at Union Square GreenMarket. This is exactly what Fridays look like from this side of my eyeballs....
- [today is the first day of the rest of my unemployment...](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/07/unemployment/) - In the general theme of be careful what you wish for, two weeks ago I specifically said I didn’t want a life that required going into an office, wearing grown up clothes or a daily subway commute. In case you haven’t heard, as of 6pm yesterday, I’m unemployed. VIBE Magazine fought the good fight, but
- [love is in the mud…](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/07/love-is-in-the-mud/) - We set out to harness the pigs and take the the little chubsters for a much needed walk, a little bit of exercise, some snuffling of fresh dirt for fresh worms, a little damp sunshine. Copper knows the harness and leash mean freedom and it's a breeze to get him hooked up. Jimmy--short, dark &
- [tale of two [jodi/jody]s](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/07/tale-of-2-jodijodys/) - I love to talk, but I crave silence. The American Sign Language introductory workshop seemed like a perfect blend. It's a beautiful language, ballet for your hands. I got there compulsively early as usual, and at 6pm I made my way to the classroom for a 6:45 workshop. Another girl got there at the same
- [complicated oviducts](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/07/complicated-oviducts/) - There was a girl-duck in the pen with the big bunny today. She's been there for a week or two, this nameless downy white she-duck, sitting on one end of the long pen, George the giant bunny on the other, a nice safe distance between them. They seemed to be pretty good pen mates. She
- [setting the angel free](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/07/setting-the-angel-free/) - I have a Chinese tattoo that loosely translates to "The end of Crisis is the beginning of Opportunity". I think that's what it says. It may be "I take dangerous risks but I'm a very lucky girl." It all depends who you ask. These last three weeks since VIBE went out of business have been
- [shotgun dating](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/07/shotgun-dating/) - There's a very handsome man who lives on my block. He's always trying to start a conversation, flirting with me when ever I pass by, three or four times in the last two weeks. Today's my birthday. I thought I'd flirt back. I knew within a few sentences that Sam had no idea he'd ever
- [simply put](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/07/simply-put/) - I don't get jazz. Or symbolism. I'm not fancy. I went to a friends play the other night. She was wonderful. I had a good time, but I knew I was missing something. Something else was going on. The greek style chorus of three women in white represented... something. The stories, told, but not finished
- [help me, I'm moulting....](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/08/moulting/) - July is my month. I celebrate both a birthday & an anniversary of what I hope will always be the day of my last drink, my last drug. This year, the birthday was number 53 and the anniversary was number 19. Considerably more than anyone who knew me when I was drinking could imagine and
- [another little piece o' my heart](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/08/my-heart/) - I got a chance to read some of the dirtygirl story in public last night at the inaugural of the new reading series, Sex Worker Literati. It was packed. People were sitting on the floor. A dozen or so had showed up for me personally (I sent out two hundred invitations. I'm going to pretend
- [cookie monster](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/08/cookie-monster/) - I went on an audition this week, a casting call on craigslist for a print ad for cookies. I'm pretty crazy about cookies, so in the spirit of this whole reinvention thing, I took the bait. I sat in a cramped anteroom for twenty minutes as a handful of people went in but oddly, no
- [peeing on my own leg](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/08/resentment/) - I've had to let go of resentments that aren't in my best interest. I'm not sure any resentment is ever in my best interest. What're those sayings? Resentments are like taking poison and waiting for your enemy to die? Or like peeing on your own leg--no one feels it but you? Two years ago I
- [donuts : the great equalizer](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/08/donuts-the-great-equalizer/) - Someday's I'm a pancake, but as long as I flip before I burn, it's all good. I was driving in to the city this morning, on my way to do all kinds of good & spiritual things and getting all kinds of cranky because of road construction on the BQE, also known as New York's
- [trudging the road...](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/08/the-road/) - I started this journey of sudden unemployment induced total life change very gung-ho. I had lots and lots of things on my lists of to-do, to-try and to-pay the rent. Little by slowly those lists have gotten longer, shorter, refined, fine tuned. In the middle of my white board I wrote: I AM A WRITER.
- [mazed and confused](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/08/mazed-and-confused/) - I'm chasing my dreams full speed until I run smack into a solid wall. I feel like I've been here before. I have. I envy those kids who knew what they wanted in high school and had a straight path. That hasn't been my story. Let's not even talk about the lost years, they're called
- [dawn](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/08/dawn/) - I have some free time now, with the not working and all. I've been sorting through the boxes and boxes of "things" that have followed me. Diaries, photos, love letters. The memorabilia of a lifetime. My sketchbooks are there. I used to draw & sculpt. I was pretty good, got a few awards and as
- [yesterday](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/08/yesterday/) - Yesterday was not my best day. I wrenched my back opening the kitchen window. It rained all the way up to the farm. It was the last day I'd see this semester's interns, and I'm really going to miss them. The problem with getting the best of something the first time around is nothing else
- [home cooking](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/09/home-cooking/) - Almost twenty years ago I met a traveler named Elijah, barefoot & barechested, wearing just cut off shorts even though it was late fall already. He'd walked his way across the country and advised me to eat what the earth offered wherever I was living at any moment. He said it was the trick to
- [apples, peaches, popcorn pie](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/09/apples/) - I'm very excited over the new "anti-supermarket" plan I've got going, inspired by Barbara Kingsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Miracle. The idea is to make significant changes by sticking to the concept of buying local vs trucking, relying as much as possible on local farmers and farmer's markets, reducing my carbon footprint, our reliance on fossil fuels
- [relative aging](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/09/relative-aging/) - It is entirely within the realm of possibility that a person would, at 53, have a 3 year old grandchild. However, it was much funnier when my 3 year old godson referred to my friend Marilyn (five years older than me) as Grandma, than it was when he turned around five minutes later, after I'd
- [keep it movin'](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/09/keep-it-movin/) - It would help if I knew where I was going. I don't. I only know I'm on the right path and while I'm pretty clear that the journey is more important than the destination, I'm still the girl who needs to know things. Not knowing drives me crazy. But the journey is about growth &
- [in a pig’s eye](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/09/in-a-pigs-eye/) - Find something you love, a service you can do that you really love. It'll change your life in ways you cannot imagine. I went up to the Green Chimneys' farm on Friday, like I usually do, but yesterday when I woke up, my heart wasn't in it. I went anyway, I'd made a commitment and
- [10 random acts of good karma](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/10/10-random-acts-of-good-karma/) - This is how easy it is to spit into the karma pool every day. Report good service when you get it from customer service reps, cashiers, civil servants, tech support teams, co-workers, waitresses, etc. to their supervisors. Give your seat to the person who needs it more than you. That man with all those packages,
- [dancing with god](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/10/dancing-with-god/) - I used to say I was looking for a cowboy who knew when to ride me hard, when to give me some sugar and when to simply dance me. Big Edie always said dancing is all about relaxing into the arms of a good leader and just going along with the music. I've been looking for
- [thank youse](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/10/thank-youse/) - I'm momentarily speechless. Actually, the truth is I'm momentarily self-conscious. Mostly, I write for me, and try to give little thought to an actual audience or readership, afraid of ego stepping in, of sounding writerly, or worse, like a pompous ass. I write to see what I really think and feel because I don't always
- [looking for the loophole](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/10/looking-for-the-loophole/) - If I'm calling around to see if what I have in mind is ethical or not, I already know the answer. When I ask, "Is this ethical?" what I really mean is "Hey, there's this thing I want to do and we both know I shouldn't, that it's unethical or immoral or just plain wrong,
- [getting there from here](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/10/getting-there-from-here/) - I have a definite writing process. First I put down the basics. Where'm I starting and where do I want to end? Then I add details. Every minute little thing I can think of. Color. Taste. Smell. Boring incidental distractions. Adding and adding, until it resembles a bloated carcass. Then I start carving, cutting, deleting.
- [eating locally : checking in](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/10/eating-locally-checking-in/) - It's been over a month since I made the commitment, inspired by Barbara Kingsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, to eat locally. I know it's not going to have a huge effect on the world, but it will have a small effect on a few local farmers, on our reliance on fossil fuels, the part of our
- [service center](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/10/service/) - Service will change your life. Maybe not, but it changes mine. Every time. This week part of my volunteer gig was holding baby bunnies. They need to be accustomed to being handled so they're comfortable around the kids at Green Chimneys'. They're gonna be therapy bunnies when they grow up. Good deed, sure, but I
- [loss & love](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/10/loss-love/) - Tommy died of old age, and that's the way it's supposed to be. We're supposed to be okay with that. The problem with old age is that you've been around long enough to really affect people when you leave. If one of the newborn bunnies had died, it would be sad, but I had a
- [a woman of a particular age](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/10/a-woman-of-a-particular-age/) - I never knew what that meant, a particular age. Then I got there, to that particular age. I'm not sure that it connotes an actual number, but more a state of being. All my life I've looked 35. Not just any 35, but a 35 year old school teacher. It sucked when I was 11,
- [open mic night](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/10/open-mic/) - I took a leap of faith this week. One more in a long line of leaps that have me feeling a bit like the bouncing ball. I'm funny. I am. All I ever wanted was to be a guest on the Johnny Carson show. I know he's retired, hells, he's dead, but still, it's what
- [magnetic personality](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/11/magnetic-personality/) - I'm a wacky old lady magnet, as in, I attract wacky old ladies. This is Claire. I finally stopped to take her picture. I just love how EVERYTHING is red. Right down the shopping cart, the reusable shopping bags and get this, the red Chuck Taylor hi-tops. We met in front of the post office.
- [memento](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/11/memento/) - Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I yelled at my mother once. I stole Post-its from the office. I spit gum out on the sidewalk. And oh yeah, I’m a stalker. I've tried to stop, but I’m all about the search and destroy. Not so much on the destroy, but very big on the
- [food is love](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/11/food-is-love/) - I talk all the time about how I don't remember events, but I do remember meals. The good, the bad and the ugly, but most of the time the food I remember is associated with a person who has touched me. Food is Love. God is Love too, but food is a lot easier to
- [date night](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/11/date-night/) - I don't date well. There was a time I really liked it, did it often and with abandon, but that time has passed. It's not that I don't like men, I do. I like the way they smell and feel, the way they can carry heavy things and are generally fun to cuddle with. But
- [a much needed day off](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/11/a-much-needed-day-off/) - Every once in a while, you need to step away from the practical and indulge yourself in someone else's story...
- [the cowardly liar](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/11/the-cowardly-liar/) - Guys, implied in the question "Are you married?" is also "Are you involved with any woman at all who believes she's the only woman in your romantic life?"
- [words & music : telling stories](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/12/words-music-telling-stories/) - I was raised by a man who saw no reason to stick to the truth unless it made a good story. My mother says all my wrong turns can be traced back to his stories.
- [trash menagerie](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/12/menagerie/) - Some people have inner peace, others have an inner critic. I have a menagerie of screaming, furry creatures with nails, teeth and the occasional crack stem...
- [fridays at green chimneys](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/12/fridays-at-green-chimneys/) - Once a week, I get up early and drive an hour north to shovel poop. I get paid for that service in laughter, joy and companionship. A worthwhile trade.
- [colonoscoparty or there’s a party in my pants](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/12/colonoscoparty/) - The prep is awful, but with proper sedation, colonoscopies can be fun. I like an IV Demerol/Versed cocktail. It's an acquired taste, like Scotch. Or Heroin.
- [crazy sweater](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/12/crazy-sweater/) - It's so easy to see crazy when someone else is wearing it. I watched a documentary last night, Confessions of a Superhero. The title refers to the Hollywood characters who live off tips by dressing as superheros and having photos taken with tourists. Okay, it's a gig. It's better than a total panhandle, there's entertainment
- [orphan-age](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/12/orphan-age/) - No matter how old you are when you lose that second parent, you’re an orphan. It’s not the same as when you’re 5 or even 15, but when you’re 50ish it’s lonely.
- [comfort & joy](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/12/comfort-joy/) - Although I've never actually heard it, I've heard of Christian rock. I'm all for the spirit in song. I was raised on Gospel music. But oddly, there was no religion in my house, no God at all. I had to go find that for myself. I had to find my Judaism, which I'm still working
- [the cruelest month](https://onlythejodi.com/2009/12/the-cruelest-month/) - Eating only locally grown foods in summer is easy. I knew winter would be a challenge, but I never expected the impact on my spiritual life, and my wardrobe!
- [job hunting AC/BC](https://onlythejodi.com/2010/01/job-hunting/) - Gone are the days of picking up a paper or picking a pocket. Everything from job hunting to theft is online now. Somedays, it's hard to tell one from the other.
- [The No Impact Experiment (No IE) log](https://onlythejodi.com/2010/01/the-no-impact-experiment-no-ie-log/) - When I decided to take this challenge, I thought it'd be a breeze. I was already eating locally, reducing my trash, driving less. Then Life got busy being life.
- [No IE log : Day 2 : Trash](https://onlythejodi.com/2010/01/no-ie-log-day-2-trash/) - Day 2 / No Impact Experiment: No More Trash. "Saving" my trash feels a bit like I should also be pushing a shopping cart around with the rest of my possessions.
- [apples and oranges](https://onlythejodi.com/2010/01/apples-and-oranges/) - I'd been a loyal Apple Bank customer for 30+ years. Then ING's Orange Ball with its higher interest, easy online banking, free internet & 50¢ to stole my heart.
- [1 funeral, 8 days & no napkins](https://onlythejodi.com/2010/01/nie-results/) - The No Impact Challenge was more of a challenge than I'd expected. After an 8 day week, I'd gained a little humility, a few giggles and a real pain in the neck.
- [sheeples, who need sheeples](https://onlythejodi.com/2010/01/sheeples/) - To some, a simply a lamb stew whose opportunity was missed, a shearling coat yet to come, the promise of a warm wool sweater. To others, well, they're sheeple.
- [ode to my depression](https://onlythejodi.com/2010/01/ode-to-my-depression/) - My Depression has romance. It is alluring. It feeds on isolation and it stays hungry. My depression is paralyzing. It tells me I have nothing to say.
- [and now, a word about god](https://onlythejodi.com/2010/02/about-god/) - It took a long time for me to hear god talking, to know which was my crazy and which was God. Longer still, to have faith & be okay with God's sense of humor...
- [and some day, never comes...](https://onlythejodi.com/2010/02/and-some-day-never-comes/) - Some days I'm all Kumbaya Some days I'm all Fight Club Some days I'm all I can't hear you Some days I'm all Go Away Some days I'm just holding my breath, and swimming as fast as I can.
- [funny, you don’t look blu-ish](https://onlythejodi.com/2010/02/funny-you-dont-look-blu-ish/) - Last night I had dinner with the Death Doulas. I haven't talked about this before, it's felt kind of private. I finished my training in November. As of November, I'm officially ready to go, ready to sit and be companionable to someone who is getting ready to, well, to die. It's February. I haven't had
- [we can drive all night, she said](https://onlythejodi.com/2010/02/drive-all-night/) - Running away isn't always about going somewhere else, sometimes it's about being someone else, getting out of your skin. Music and fast cars are my ticket out.
- [not so great expectations](https://onlythejodi.com/2010/03/not-so-great-expectations/) - People, in general, act the way they're treated. Treated as responsible human beings, we act that way. Treated as thieves & slaggards, we slag & thieve.
- [thirty years later...](https://onlythejodi.com/2010/03/thirty-years-later/) - Some things heal in layers. Deaths, devastating loss, rape. 30 years later the effects are subtle some days, pronounced others, but never never gone completely.
- [taking pictures of god](https://onlythejodi.com/2010/03/picture-of-god/) - They say the devil is in the details, but driving on the BQE I got a God Shot using my Canon Digital Power Shot. Maybe the trick is the macro setting...?
- [sex and violins, or “I’m not dropping my drawers for Babs”](https://onlythejodi.com/2010/03/sex-and-violins/) - The music you choose for flirting, foreplay or lovemaking reveals a lot about you. And every moment of life is flirting, foreplay or lovemaking. Or it should be.
- [selective memories](https://onlythejodi.com/2010/03/selective-memories/) - Sometimes I wish I'd forget the bad things that happened. Other times I wish I could remember to remember and get the lessons the first time around.
- [lost, then found](https://onlythejodi.com/2010/04/lost-the-found/) - Somedays, even when it's spelled in large block letters on the board, I don't get the lesson. I see the writing, know it's there, but the what of it eludes me.
- [dating a shelter dog](https://onlythejodi.com/2010/06/dating-a-shelter-dog/) - I'm a shelter dog at heart. It's not even well hidden. If you've never been a shelter dog, had a feral cat, never tried to rehab an abused animal, you have no idea how to love me and even less idea how to date me. How I got this way, well, there's an entire other
- [feeding the beast within](https://onlythejodi.com/2010/06/feeding-the-beast-within/) - It occurred to me for the first time, it might not be in my best interest to continue feeding my demons.
- [the bridal bouqet](https://onlythejodi.com/2010/07/the-bridal-bouqet/) - Clamoring for the bridal bouquet is admitting you want to be married. For some of us, just asking to be loved is a frightening position of vulnerablity.
- [funny, you don't look jewess](https://onlythejodi.com/2010/08/jewess/) - Sometimes I confuse Rachel Shukert & Jillian Lauren. Both have hit books and employ colons : in their titles.
- [god's graffiti](https://onlythejodi.com/2010/09/gods-graffiti/) - Sometimes God needs stone tablets and burning bushes. Sometimes God just needs you to look up, read the writing on the wall and remember who's really driving.
- [spooning mr. pants](https://onlythejodi.com/2010/09/spooning-mr-pants/) - Some nights, there is simply no sleepy for the sleepy, unless, of course, you're the cat.
- [mama loves the broken things](https://onlythejodi.com/2010/09/broken-things/) - When you don't feel whole, you can only love other broken things. Some of us become healers, others learn how to cripple someone else so that we have company.
- [meteorological foreplay](https://onlythejodi.com/2010/09/meterological-foreplay/) - Keep your sun-drenched days and well-oiled bodies. When the wind rips limbs off trees. Pushes cars across the highway. Topples small buildings. When the air is soft. warm. heavy. moist. When wind can kill. My body becomes slick, ripe, and tender. My every breath charged with electricity. When every breath holds bits of lightening and
- [can you hear me now?](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/05/can-you-hear-me/) - I'm getting used to seeing her on the north corner of 84th Street and 37th Avenue, smiling. Or touching her nose. She has a nice face, youthful, plump, and a little bit pretty. Her long hair is just starting to streak with grey. She's the kind of person that's easy to pass every day without
- [curmudgebot](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/06/curmudgebot/) - Dear Spambots, I am not Black. Or Christian. Or Dating. So, please, enough with all that. I am Cranky. Old. and Jewish. Please send offers for Exciting! Low-priced! One-of-a-Kind! Park Benches. Or Sensible Shoes. Or Home Delivery of Brisket Sandwiches. Now, get off my lawn! Sincerely, Jodi's inbox.
- [mirror rorrim](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/06/mirror-rorrim/) - There are days I wake up and I don't recognize the face in the mirror. I know it's me, because that's my apartment behind me. This is my bathroom. This is my mirror. But that face? I don't know who that is. It's a surprise face, one that looks vaguely familiar, like she
- [Is this seat taken?](https://onlythejodi.com/2012/09/is-this-seat-taken/) - Five years ago, I moved to Jackson Heights, Queens - a neighborhood known for its public urination, large gay and trans population, and most especially for its ethnic hyperdiversity. An older working class of German and Italian descent is sprinkled through a huge population of recent immigrants from Mexico, Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic, just about every country in
- [The Next Big Thing Blog Hop](https://onlythejodi.com/2013/03/the-next-big-thing-blog-hop/) - One of the best things about an MFA program is the chance to meet with, eat with, drink with, and generally friend for life more wonderful writers than you can shake a stick at. Poet Mary Hutchins-Harris invited me to the Next Big Thing Writer Blog Hop, (which in my brain turns into The Next Big Hale

## Pages

- [featured essays](https://onlythejodi.com/publications/) - Select articles and essays published in print, online, and anthologized
- [caregiver's resources](https://onlythejodi.com/caregivers-resources/) - Dementia and Caregiving. You need support OR What to Do When Your Mother Is Losing Her Mind, So You Don't Lose Yours Along the Way. A Cliff Notes step-by-step version of how to get started and where to find help.
- [](https://onlythejodi.com/home/) - Jodi Sh. Doff is a New York-based writer and photographer.
- [monkey brains](https://onlythejodi.com/monkeybrains/) - The Infinite Monkey Theorem: Given enough time, a hypothetical monkey typing at random will almost surely produce all of Shakespeare's plays. Wikipedia: The probability of a monkey exactly typing a complete work such as Shakespeare's Hamlet is so tiny that the chance of it occurring during a period of time even a hundred thousand orders
- [video](https://onlythejodi.com/video/) - Middle Aged Lazy (YouTube) and Sex Worker Literati Readings
- [the original naked ladies - circa 2009](https://onlythejodi.com/the-ladies/) - Jodi Sh. Doff of dirtygirldiaries.com (defunct) remembers Times Square before Disney’s four fingered hands turned it into Mouschwitz. When pimps looked like Huggy Bear, before AIDS, implants or lapdances. The 70s & 80s was Times Square at the height of its pornographic bare bottom! Lauri Shaw skipped out on college and the American dream in favor
- [reviews](https://onlythejodi.com/reviews/) - Select reviews: NYTimes, Chicago Now, NYPress, Kirkus, Tiger Beatdown
- [resume](https://onlythejodi.com/resume/) - CV: Education, Teaching, Publications

## Galleries

- [Mannequins: 4C](https://onlythejodi.com/bwg_gallery/mannequins/)
- [Mannequins: B&W](https://onlythejodi.com/bwg_gallery/mannequins-bw/)

## Albums

- [Mannequins: B&W](https://onlythejodi.com/bwg_album/mannequins-bw/)
- [Mannequins: 4C](https://onlythejodi.com/bwg_album/mannequins-4c/)

## Categories

- [memoir](https://onlythejodi.com/category/1-writing/2-memoir/)
- [the dirtygirl diaries](https://onlythejodi.com/category/1-writing/5-the-dirtygirl-diaries/) - Times Square, at the height of its bottom.
- [scribbler](https://onlythejodi.com/category/1-writing/)
- [middle aged lazy](https://onlythejodi.com/category/1-writing/6-middle-aged-lazy/)
- [previously published](https://onlythejodi.com/category/1-writing/7-previously-published/)
- [grey gardens 11372](https://onlythejodi.com/category/1-writing/grey-gardens-11372/) - Two old ladies & five cats. This is some Grey Gardens 11372 caregiver shit.
- [photography](https://onlythejodi.com/category/photography/)

## Tags

- [meditation](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/meditation/)
- [cats](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/cats/)
- [intimacy](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/intimacy/)
- [money](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/money/)
- [pimp style](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/pimp-style/)
- [Italy](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/italy/)
- [love](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/love/)
- [work](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/work/)
- [freedom](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/freedom/)
- [responsibility](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/responsibility/)
- [1979](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/1979/)
- [Mom](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/mom/)
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- [anger](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/anger/)
- [loneliness](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/loneliness/)
- [healing](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/healing/)
- [faith](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/faith/)
- [compassion](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/compassion/)
- [Levittown](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/levittown/)
- [simplicity](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/simplicity/)
- [death](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/death/)
- [service](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/service/)
- [aging](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/aging/)
- [gratitude](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/gratitude/)
- [funny](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/funny/)
- [drinking & drugging](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/drinking-drugging/)
- [farm life](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/farm-life/)
- [eating](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/eating/)
- [movies & books](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/movies-books/)
- [art & music](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/art-music/)
- [sex & violins](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/sex-violins/)
- [sex](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/sex/)
- [driving](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/driving/)
- [recipes](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/recipes/)
- [videos](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/videos/)
- [musical interludes](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/musical-interludes/)
- [sex work](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/sex-work/)
- [kinda crazy](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/kinda-crazy/)
- [Dad](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/dad/)
- [urban life](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/urban-life/)
- [no impact](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/no-impact/)
- [darkness](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/darkness/)
- [animals](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/animals/)
- [family](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/family-2/)
- [vegetables](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/vegetables-2/)
- [miracles](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/miracles-2/)
- [places](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/places/)
- [childhood memories](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/childhood-memories/)
- [country life](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/country-life/)
- [death & dying](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/death-dying/)
- [urban living](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/urban-living/)
- [cars](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/cars/)
- [life skills](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/life-skills/)
- [dating advice](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/dating-advice/)
- [mothers](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/mothers/)
- [Mother's Day](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/mothers-day/)
- [words of love](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/words-of-love/)
- [grooming tips](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/grooming-tips/)
- [New York City](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/new-york-city/)
- [for rent](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/for-rent/)
- [Street Scene](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/street-scene/)
- [urban](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/urban/)
- [Waterfront](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/waterfront/)
- [New Jersey](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/new-jersey/)
- [Beach](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/beach/)
- [poetry](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/poetry/)
- [Architecture](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/architecture/)
- [industrial](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/industrial/)
- [weather](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/weather/)
- [Times Square](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/times-square/)
- [rape](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/rape/)
- [dirty boys](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/dirty-boys/)
- [strippers](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/strippers/)
- [East Village](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/east-village/)
- [only the jodi](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/otj/)
- [bicycles](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/bicycles/)
- [Jackson Heights](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/jackson-heights/)
- [skyline](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/skyline/)
- [Dogs](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/dogs/)
- [subway](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/subway/)
- [queens](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/queens/)
- [infrastructure](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/infrastructure/)
- [writerly](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/writerly/)
- [decay](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/decay/)
- [video](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/video-2/)
- [mannequins](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/mannequins/)
- [windows](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/windows/)
- [doorway](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/doorway/)
- [critters](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/critters/)
- [post mortem](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/post-mortem/)
- [avonte](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/avonte/)
- [home](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/home/)
- [sleep](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/sleep/)
- [on writing](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/on-writing/)
- [pretty](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/pretty/)
- [self-image](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/self-image/)
- [hope](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/hope/)
- [depression](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/depression/)
- [illness](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/illness/)
- [kinda](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/kinda/)
- [mediatation](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/mediatation/)
- [dating](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/dating/)
- [food](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/food/)
- [friends](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/friends/)
- [fear](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/fear/)
- [relationships](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/relationships/)
- [babies](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/babies/)
- [dolls](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/dolls/)
- [motherhood](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/motherhood/)
- [chocolate](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/chocolate/)
- [silly](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/silly/)
- [writing](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/writing/)
- [fat](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/fat/)
- [knees](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/knees/)
- [health](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/health/)
- [weight](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/weight/)
- [self-esteem](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/self-esteem/)
- [backfat](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/backfat/)
- [size](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/size/)
- [self-hate](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/self-hate/)
- [Alzheimers](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/alzheimers/)
- [diabetes](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/diabetes/)
- [bread](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/bread/)
- [numbers](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/numbers/)
- [time](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/time/)
- [my vagina](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/my-vagina/)
- [survival](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/survival/)
- [neurosis](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/neurosis/)
- [depersonalization](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/depersonalization/)
- [forgotten memories](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/forgotten-memories/)
- [memories](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/memories/)
- [trauma](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/trauma/)
- [music](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/music/)
- [memoir](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/3-memoir/)
- [Adam Roth](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/adam-roth/)
- [Chloe Dzubilo](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/chloe-dzubilo/)
- [violence](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/violence/)
- [phones](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/phones/)
- [technology](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/technology/)
- [answering machine](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/answering-machine/)
- [Big Edie](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/big-edie/)
- [guns](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/guns/)
- [Oprah](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/oprah/)
- [Scarlett Fever](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/scarlett-fever/)
- [leap of faith](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/leap-of-faith/)
- [community](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/community/)
- [literary](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/literary/)
- [social justice](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/social-justice/)
- [auto-immune](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/auto-immune/)
- [food issues](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/food-issues/)
- [freedom of thought](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/freedom-of-thought/)
- [Orwell](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/orwell/)
- [doublethink](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/doublethink/)
- [censorship](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/censorship/)
- [caretaker](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/caretaker/)
- [elderly](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/elderly/)
- [senior citizen](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/senior-citizen/)
- [mothers and daughters](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/mothers-and-daughters/)
- [compression fractures](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/compression-fractures/)
- [MCI](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/mci/)
- [cognitive loss](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/cognitive-loss/)
- [grey gardens](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/grey-gardens/)
- [caregiving](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/caregiving/)
- [coronavirus](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/coronavirus/)
- [COVID-19](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/covid-19/)
- [social distancing](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/social-distancing/)
- [self-isolation](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/self-isolation/)
- [dementia](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/dementia/)
- [God](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/god/)
- [palliative care](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/palliative-care/)
- [right to die](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/right-to-die/)
- [end of life](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/end-of-life/)
- [aphasia](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/aphasia/)
- [sundowning](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/sundowning/)
- [abortion](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/abortion/)
- [birth control](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/birth-control/)
- [Roe vs Wade](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/roe-vs-wade/)
- [Roe v Wade](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/roe-v-wade/)
- [Planned Parenthood](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/planned-parenthood/)
- [Supreme Court](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/supreme-court/)
- [Clarence Thomas](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/clarence-thomas/)
- [stripping](https://onlythejodi.com/tag/stripping/)