I don’t know about little boys, hell, it becomes more and more apparent each day that I don’t know much about grown mens either, but I do know about little girls and how we’re raised. No matter what kind of home you came from you were served fairytales. There’ve been a million essays, books & magazine articles written about it and I’m not here to reinvent the wheel. I’m here to talk about my fairytale, the fantasy that shaped my dating life.
Everyone knows the core basics.
- Cinderella finds a prince with a foot fetish
Sleeping Beauty is saved from a lifetime of dwarves by a somophiliac prince
Snow White is saved by a necrophiliac
Hansel & Gretel are abandoned by their parents
The Ugly Ducking is too wierd for friends or love
Disney makes a fortune telling those stories slightly differently. While any one of them is bad enough, none of them were mine.
I roll to Beauty & the Beast. I’m spending a lot of painful Thursday mornings trying to change that sentence from present to past tense.
In a nutshell, Beauty tries to save her father (and there we are, right back on the Thursday morning couch) by agreeing to be the Beast’s hostage. He’s the biggest scariest monster in town. He’s the show, for sure, for sure, but her Love turns him back into the prince he really was. She gets castles, riches, a handsome prince hubby, saves her dad & lives happily ever after.
You do not have the time at this moment to go through the list of Beasts I’ve tried to tame, always, always, always believing that my love, my LOVE, will release them from the evil spell (crack, violence, criminal enterprises, homelessness, booze, plain ol’ meaness & stupidity…and the beat goes on) and free the prince inside them, and I will be rewarded in the end with riches and love. Some call this Magical Thinking. I call it not thinking at all.
There were more, but you get the point. Beauty & the Beast Fucked. Me. Up. I didn’t find my savior, my prince, because, really the nice princes are inside their nice castles with the nice not quite so crazy girls – not sleeping in parks and prisons. Most of the time, when you look inside a Beast, you find an angry frightened kid who is none too pleased at being dragged out of his warm soft hiding place and into the light. Most of the time when you rope yourself a Beast, like any wild animal that’s trapped, given the chance, he will either rip out your throat & leave you bleeding by the side of the road, or swallow you whole. But, if you’re very lucky, you still believe in magic and are game for a slightly different fairytale, the woodcutter (Carpenters Local Union #608) will cut the Beast’s belly open, rescue you and at the very least you’ll end up with a guy with a trade and a union job – which is not a bad way to end a fairytale.