I had to take a little time off from the “other” blog, from writing in general. I’d written about the rape. Again. It’s hard. I was going to say You don’t know what you take from us when you rape us. But, I’d be speaking to people who either don’t care – those who rape on uncontrollable instinct, who feel entitled; or to those who do care – those who rape with the intent of breaking our soul – pimps, mercenaries, warriors.
The rape I wrote about was almost thirty years ago. I think I should be over it already. But, apparently, I’m not.
It was not my first. I was in a blackout the first time and only put the pieces together afterwards. It probably wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t been drunk enough to black out. But I was. It did. And I don’t remember the details. Blackouts are a mixed blessing that way.
And truthfully, the blackout is only the first time I can bear to think about. What came before are scattered puzzle pieces, each belonging to a different puzzle picture.
The rape I wrote about wasn’t even the last time I was attacked. Statistics show that once a person is raped, molested, assaulted, the chance of it happening again, rises. Here are some statistics.
Every 2 minutes, someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted.
- 1 in 3 American women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime.
- 1 in 4 college women have either been raped or suffered attempted rape.
- 1 in 7 women will be raped by her husband.
- 1 in 12 males students surveyed had committed acts that met the legal definition of rape. 84% said what they’d done was definitely not rape.
- Only 16% of rapes are reported to the police.
- Only 6% of rapists will spend a day in jail.
FAIL: The United States has the world’s highest rape rate of the countries that publish such statistics. It’s 4 times higher than Germany, 13 times higher than England, and 20 times higher than Japan.
Survivors of sexual assault are:
- 3 times more likely to suffer from depression.
- 6 times more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder.
- 13 times more likely to abuse alcohol.
- 26 times more likely to abuse drugs.
- 4 times more likely to contemplate suicide.
Stop it, okay? Just fucking stop it.
Statistics from: RAINN.org and Coalition Educating About Sexual Endangerment (CEASE)
Thanks for posting that. I was worried about you.
Never doubt that you have people out here in cyberspace who admire you and care about you. Even if some of us can’t help being a little judgmental about your choices in the past, we’re rooting for you now.
Just FYI, the e-mail address I’m using is real, but I rarely check it.
@anonbutreal, Thank you. Emotional support, anonymous or not, is appreciated. I know for sure you’re not the only person who has judgments or issues with some of my past choices. But, I make no apologies for any of them. Every thing I’ve done was the best I could do at the time – and the pain my actions caused others is nothing compared to what they cost me.
That said, I regret none of it. There are a slew of things I probably could have lived very well without having had to experience, but I wouldn’t be who I am today without them. I might be better. I might be worse. But for sure, I’d be different. I like the jodi I am today…
“Every thing I’ve done was the best I could do at the time”
Right on.